"Why is this world about everyone? I thought it was just about me."

a joke about a sandwich

"What did the witch say to the breads?"
"I want to be inside both you guys."

"Do you get it."

But the little bowl of couscous was just right

A: "I love couscous more than a bear."

M: "Do you mean you love couscous more than you love a bear, or do you mean you love couscous more than a bear loves couscous?"

A: "Yeah."

"Practicing"

Found Alice sitting on the stairs in her "favorite summer outfit from my best buddy Maeve". I asked what she was doing. 

"I'm just practicing my faces in the mirror so I know how I can look when I'm getting REALLY ANGRY!!!" 

Phase One: Wait. Wait. Did you JUST say that to me?!?! 

Phase Two: I'm going to make a sarcastic comment so you develop a sense of false security, as if I'm not really that mad. I might even think it was funny. 

Phase Three: OH did you think I was joking?!?! GUESS WHAT?! I'M NOT JOKING. I AM REALLY, REALLY MAD AT YOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Don't cross her. 

And blessed is the fruit of thy womb...Batman?

"Just looks like she's got bat wings." 

(I mean, she's not wrong...)

Mastering the Art of Creepification

At the end of the day while picking the kids up from Kelly's house:

Alice: "Kelly, remember about that guy who buried you when you were a kid?"
Kelly: "What?! Oh, do you mean my brother Andy who used to cover me up with stuffed animals when we were little?"
Alice: "Yeah, yeah, that's it."

Albie once again demonstrating her innate ability to take a lighthearted and totally normal thing and make it super, SUPER creepy.

Mary Frances: Working Mother

Mary Frances is a great friend of mine.  We hang out, talk about our kids, our work, plan for lunches with our dogs, and wear LOADS of blue eyeshadow.  She gets the challenges associated with being a working mom but, like the rest of us, is sucking it up and leaning on in.

Super Alice from the United States

Part of our recent conversation about the very powerful superhero "Alice from the United States".  As it turns out, her entire family possesses super powers, including a "love power" that, from what we can tell, turns villains into the heart-eye emoji.  

 

A good old-fashioned eye wash

As we all know, it is of the utmost importance to keep our eyes fresh and clean!  Alice demonstrates her eye-washing technique which, she says, comes in handy should you happen to walk through a cloud of farts.

26 Miles Away

Alice to Mom while mom is trying really hard to do work that was supposed to be done, say, a week ago: "WAIT!!!  STOP!! A student would come to Dickinson from AFRICA?!?"
Mom: "Yes, students from around the world come to the US for college. Some of them choose Dickinson. Mommy needs to read this essay now."
Alice: "WHOA.  Africa is, like, 26 miles away...that's super far. Isn't it super far, mom?!"

((pause...sound of mom's typewriter clicking and clacking))

Alice: "Mom, why does application sound like Apple?"
Mom: "Uhhh...does it? I don't think so?"
Alice: "Yes, you're reading applications, but it's like an Apple going on Vacation! That's a hilarious joke. Tell your students that joke."

A clever joke

Q. What did the sandwich say to the duck?

A. Have you ever seen a duck in a sandwich?! 

Creative new idea for a festival!

"What if there was an eyeball festival!? You could go and eat tons of different eyeball snacks, like little chocolate eyeball seeds."

"My body is just telling me to make jokes while I'm going potty. I thought you were confused about that." Alice's version of bathroom humor 

Alice on "The Life Cycle"

"First you're born, and then you're a kid, and then you're growing up and getting married. And then maybe you're having babies and they're growing up to be kids. Then maybe you're getting married again so the kids can come to the wedding. Lots of other people are getting married so kids can go to weddings." 

"I like weddings because I get to wear my fancy dress and bow and I so much love it. Some weddings have puppet stuff and hearts and stuff where they take funny pictures of you. Me and Maeve did that." 

"I would marry Henry. He's so lovey and I love him." (Henry: "I'm NOT lovey. You can't marry your family Alice. How many times do we have to tell you that?")

"I would NOT marry Brooks because he's just my boyfriend. My poopy boyfriend." 

Alice on unnecessary restrictions placed on four year olds (and a recipe for a great dessert)

"Four year olds should be allowed to have coffee. Maybe a newborn baby couldn't have some though. Root beer is also ok for four year olds. But NOT root beer pie." 

"Four year olds can't have wine. Even babies can't have wine. That's just for grown ups. Grown ups will also love root beer pie. It would be perfect for them."

Alice's recipe for Root Beer Pie:

1. Get a pie that tastes like root beer.

2. Pour a whole bottle of root beer on top of the pie. 

3. Put it in the oven and bake it. 

4. Enjoy your root beer pie! 

"No picture please."

"I just like keeping some parts of my life a secret." -Alice when I asked her about her day

Valentine's Day Ramblings

She may or may not one day be diagnosed with ADD. You think you know where the conversation is going...and then she starts talking about diaper money.

On her future music career...

"If I had a band, I would call it 'Alice's Famous Band' because then people would want to hear it because I said it was famous and they would say 'oh! Now I have to listen to this!' And they'd all like my music. Yeah. That'll be good."

No Keiths Allowed

Alice shares her goals for the blog while making some totally normal faces. 

Mountain Bike Emoji: A Message to Sarah Taby

Alice is always asking to create messages with "those little guys on your phone" (emojis).  This piece is called "A message to Sarah Taby". Commentary by the artist as she created "oh there are so many people!! Haha!!! Gotta get a lot of poops in. This might be Sarah's poop. Or a dog's. This is wine for her. Does she eat wine? Does she drink it? Oooohhhh a donut!!!!! Ok. That's it. A message to Sarah Taby."

👺👵👴👧👧👱🙀😼😿💩👄👄💢💧💧✊👊👌👎👍👄👅💩🍷🍣🍥🍙🍘🍚🍜🍲🍢🍝🍖🍖🍗🍟🍘🍕🍕🚵🚴🚴🏇🏁🍩🍰🎂🍧🍨🍦🍡🍩🍥🍣🍱🍆🍅🌽🍌🍈🍉🍑🍒🍇🍇🍬🍳

This is Alice.  She is four.  Last night, she told me, her devoted mother, that she sometimes wishes she could go back in time to when she was a baby and had no ideas in her head, just to see what it was like.  "What would I do?!  Would I just be cuddling you all day and you are eating donuts?? Let's go back to that."  Let's go back to that indeed, Alice.

I told her about this little ditty.  She was amazed to learn that the all-seeing, all-knowing, benevolent internet allowed us to create our OWN content online, and proceeded to ask "How do I make a website, mommy?"

With that, we bring you,  "Alice's Creative Website: A blob about candy, creatures you don't know anything about, different types of skin, what the weather might be, how you could color the moon...and lots of other stuff that I don't know yet."

Sounds like a good enough title to me.  And so the journey begins.