"Why is this world about everyone? I thought it was just about me."

a joke about a sandwich

"What did the witch say to the breads?"
"I want to be inside both you guys."

"Do you get it."

But the little bowl of couscous was just right

A: "I love couscous more than a bear."

M: "Do you mean you love couscous more than you love a bear, or do you mean you love couscous more than a bear loves couscous?"

A: "Yeah."

"Practicing"

Found Alice sitting on the stairs in her "favorite summer outfit from my best buddy Maeve". I asked what she was doing. 

"I'm just practicing my faces in the mirror so I know how I can look when I'm getting REALLY ANGRY!!!" 

Phase One: Wait. Wait. Did you JUST say that to me?!?! 

Phase Two: I'm going to make a sarcastic comment so you develop a sense of false security, as if I'm not really that mad. I might even think it was funny. 

Phase Three: OH did you think I was joking?!?! GUESS WHAT?! I'M NOT JOKING. I AM REALLY, REALLY MAD AT YOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Don't cross her. 

And blessed is the fruit of thy womb...Batman?

"Just looks like she's got bat wings." 

(I mean, she's not wrong...)

Mastering the Art of Creepification

At the end of the day while picking the kids up from Kelly's house:

Alice: "Kelly, remember about that guy who buried you when you were a kid?"
Kelly: "What?! Oh, do you mean my brother Andy who used to cover me up with stuffed animals when we were little?"
Alice: "Yeah, yeah, that's it."

Albie once again demonstrating her innate ability to take a lighthearted and totally normal thing and make it super, SUPER creepy.

Mary Frances: Working Mother

Mary Frances is a great friend of mine.  We hang out, talk about our kids, our work, plan for lunches with our dogs, and wear LOADS of blue eyeshadow.  She gets the challenges associated with being a working mom but, like the rest of us, is sucking it up and leaning on in.